Girl Talk With Dad, Part II

As you might have gathered from my last post, my dad is not the kind to tiptoe around speaking his mind.  He is usually happy to share his thoughts on pop culture, dating, boys, and his daughters’ choice of outfits…whether or not you ask.  When I was 15, I hated the fact that he’d make me put on longer skirts before I left the house and terrorize boys that called for me (because Lord knows he wasn’t about to give me a cell phone, and I was lucky to use the land line at home).  These days, I find it kind of sweet when he asks me “Are you really sure you want to wear those shorts?  Wouldn’t you feel better in something that…covered…more?”

DD funny

This is not my father…but this IS something my father would say.

 

Part of that might be because I’ve gotten salty in my old age, and so my response is usually just to tell him that I like showing off my best assets and then shake my bum around until he starts hollering “Good Lord, Dominique.  Why don’t you just let me buy you something more modest?”

 

Some other recent highlights…

Regarding Bachelorette Des’ tendency to suck face with everything that has a Y-chromosome (and yes, we’re still talking about the last season of The Bachelorette):

“Talk about a defiled oral cavity!”

Also regarding Des’s tendency to make out with anything that moves:

“Seriously! How many miners have been down that shaft?”

[At this point, I just shook my head and told him I don’t think he should repeat that. Ever.]

In response to my sister and mother and me discussing the downfalls of various sports bras in his presence:

“There will be NO more talk of nipples in this kitchen.”

Describing his favorite celebrity chef, Curtis Stone:

“He’s a beautiful, beautiful man.”

Regarding my workout wear:

“Good Lord, Dominique! Don’t you have anything less tight and less short to wear?”

Regarding the ex-convict (seriously, he’d just gotten out of prison) that was hitting on me at work:

“Did you tell him that whatever he tries doing to you, your father will do far worse to him?”

[Actually Dad, given that he just spent some time in prison, I’m not sure he’d find that terribly bothersome.]

Regarding my youngest sister’s questions about the birds and the bees:

“Hell, if only I’d started watching Duck Dynasty sooner, it would have saved me a lot of trouble. I could have just showed her the episode where Phil points out the crawdads’ ding dong and lady parts.”

 

The main point here is not my lack of mature conversational topics or my family’s disturbing southern-ness, but the fact that my dad says hilarious stuff, and the older I get, the more I appreciate him.

 

So, Dad, thanks for being so sassy.

juan pablo yodeler

And a big thumbs up from Juan Pablo, everyone’s favorite human.

 

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