Sweet, sweet Mondays…
There are few things better than waking up to a brilliant sunrise and a heavy frost on the ground, and knowing that a cup of hot tea is only 10 minutes away.
Of course, if you’re one of those people who’s, you know, employed full-time, you probably have to actually go to work or something today. Maybe you had to scrape ice off your windshield or shovel your driveway at 6:30am, and maybe you have to do things today like take conference calls and actually put on pants. Maybe you don’t jump out of bed singing on Monday morning. It’s a rough life.
Since there’s a fair probability that many of yall are afflicted with the Monday Blues, that dreaded disease that continues to devastate first-world countries, I thought I’d do my part to help nurse you back to health. (“Naughty nurse” costume not included.) After all, laughter is one of the best forms of medicine.
xoxo, Nurse Domi
Let’s start with something heartwarming and uplifting. Seriously. It’s Monday morning, and if you’re like me, you’ve already screwed up a few times. (See aforementioned pants situation.) But fabulous news: sucking at life is part of becoming great at life. True story. That’s why we all need to Be Friends With Failure before we can be friends with success.
Although, I don’t want to know how many times this guy had to fail before he learned how to do this wild stunt in the Volvo commercial to end all commercials (which was done in one take, how incredible is that?)…
He’s like Daniel Craig meets Jason Statham meets Napoleon Bonaparte (because he’s French, you know?). Got to appreciate a manly-man who does manly-man things like holding the splits between two 18-wheelers. (Can we please talk about the subtext there?)
Or men donning princess garb…
Who doesn’t love Nicolas Cage?
Better question: Who doesn’t love Nicholas Cage As Your Favorite Disney Princesses? (Answer: No one. Because with his delicate bone structure and blossoming femininity, he was made for this role.)
Speaking of movies, look at this! Someone took all the guns out of these movies….It’s a liberal’s dream come true! (To all my liberal friends, I say that with love, ya crazy hippies. Thanks to you, there are that many more guns for me and my crazy redneck friends to buy. Yeeehaw.)
By far the best Christmas list I’ve seen. “Ho ho hhhHELL NO you ain’t getting five new North Face jackets! This ain’t 2002 and you’re not a registered Green-party voter!” (That’s my reaction, not an actual quote.) Read My Kid’s Insane Christmas Wish List, Annotated and weep, because there is hope for America after all.
This video. Remember how Miley Cyrus “did things” with the teddy bears and
Robin Thicke the midde-aged creeper at the VMA’s, and it was all this big reflection of the oversexualization of American culture and the degredation of women? This makes it all worth it. The people’s reactions are by far the best part, especially the guys at 1:20, 1:58 (still dying over it), and 2:15. I mean, yeah, these shenanigans are inappropriate, but it doesn’t get quite as raunchy as the Twerk Queen herself (in other words, no man bits get camera time or anything like that). So put your big girl panties on (Just like him…What? I crack myself up. Don’t worry about it.) and prepare to laugh so hard you give yourself an aneurysm.