Dames Confess… Part 1

After spending a couple of weeks investigating male perspective in the “Menfolk Confess…” series, it only seemed fair to turn the tables and ask for the ladies’ unvarnished opinions about the opposite sex.  Needless to say offering women the chance to talk – especially about men – was like opening up the floodgates.  I mean that in a good way, of course.  Like the last go-round, the names/identifying information of the ladies who participated will be kept anonymous, and I condensed very similar questions for the purpose of efficiency.  Once again, the questions for the survey came directly from the subjects at hand; in this case, I just asked the fellows who did the men’s survey to submit any questions they could think of for the women.  Turns out, they had a quite a few questions for the ladies. I think the menfolk will find some of these responses surprising, enlightening, and (I hope) perhaps encouraging.

stir things up

The Dames: The anonymous women I interviewed for this series were all in their early- to mid-twenties.  In terms of relationship, they span across the whole board – some single, some dating/engaged, some married.  They come from varied backgrounds and lifestyles, and each brought a unique perspective to the discussion.  This time around was a bit different from writing up the “Menfolk Confess…” series, because I already have my own opinions on all the questions the men asked.  (Yes, I threw my own opinions in there…feel free to see if you can guess which ones are mine…) It was interesting to see how out opinions agreed and differed on various topics.   Hope you enjoy hearing their input as much as I did!

Question 1: Do you (or most women you know) have a significant preference regarding the following: 

A: Men with facial hair vs. those who are clean-shaven?

  • “Honestly, I love a guy with facial hair. I think most girls like it…However, some guys can pull it off and some guys can’t.”
  • “I have a strong appreciation for a man that can grow a full beard…NOTE: NO NECK BEARDS.”
  • “I definitely prefer my man with [that] touch of ‘manliness’.”
  • “I know some women are very picky about the looks of the men they date, but I find, for the most part, that if a man’s personality captivates a woman he becomes more attractive to her.”
  • “I personally am not a fan of kissing a guy with facial hair. Feels like velcro and like it’s chafing my face…”
  • Beards are like chest hair and chivalry.  They remind me that you’re a man and you like it that way.  Besides, the bigger his beard, the bigger his…At least that’s what I like to think.”
  • “Most men can rock some form of facial hair, but I don’t think all men can get away with being clean-shaven.”
  • “Some hefty-man stubble adds at least 2 hotness points.”
  • “Most of my girlfriends, myself included ,prefer a man with facial hair. I want to know i’m touching a grown man’s face, not a 12 year old boy.  No offense…”

B: How much taller a man is compared to you?

  • “Height is not that big of a difference, however, I want to be  able to wear heels without feeling like a troll and not look down when I kiss my man.”
  • He needs to be as tall or taller than me.
  • “Height is definitely important to me…It’s a presence of someone bigger that makes us feel more protected and cared for.”
  • My boyfriend is the same height as me and it doesn’t bother me at all. It gives me an excuse to not have to wear heels and kill my feet!
  • “I’m fairly hobbit-sized already, so if a man is shorter/smaller than me, he’s most likely underage.  And that’s not really my thing…In all honesty, though, if I’m taller or bigger or can out-lift him, that’s a deal-breaker.
  • “My limit is usually about 5’10″…”
  • “I think we all tend to enjoy a man that is larger than us (because we like to feel small and taken care of…I do, at least)….At least an inch taller.”
  • “Being almost 5’11” means a guy has to be at least in the 6’2″ to 6’5″ range. Sorry, shorty.”

C: A man’s clothing style?

  • “The way a man dresses says a lot…Like, can he take care of himself? …Men, any girl will swoon at a guy wearing a suit.”
  • I think for the most part women just want their men to look put-together.  Not more stylish than themselves, but not looking homeless either.”
  • “No stains, matching clothes, and I’m good….I love button up shirts. They have to fit well, though, that makes all the difference.”
  • “What a man wears should show that he respects himself.  That can be an Italian suit, or it can be a lumberjack shirt, it just ought to be something he likes, that fits well and is appropriate for the occasion.  But if a guy wants to attract women, he should probably avoid man-jeggings.”
  • “I’m not into men being too metrosexual…I like a man’s style to be effortless but well put-together.”
  • Flannels and jeans always win.
  • “As long as you have clothes that fit you properly, you’ll be just fine.”

D: The most attractive muscle or body part on a man? (For example – back, chest, arms, abs, etc.)

  •  “The back muscles are so damn sexy!”
  • “Mmmmmmm biceps. [drool]”
  • “I really love toned/supportive arms.”
  • “I think if a man has nice arms, it is attractive.”
  • “THE V LINES. You know, those lines when a guy has amazing abs/obliques and there is the obvious V from his hips to his…well, you know. HOT.”
  • “Shoulders, forearms (Roll your sleeves, men. Just roll your damn sleeves.), and legs.  If homeboy doesn’t train legs, it’s a problem.”
  • “Probably chest and arms.”
  • “Biceps and triceps, because we can casually feel them up without being creepy-looking.
  • “Chest and arms. As shallow as it may seem, I think a strong chest and strong arms show strength and how well he can protect those around him.”

Question 2: Do you (or most women you know) care about a man’s partying habits? If he “cruises with his boys frat-style,” for example, is that a turn-on or a turn-off (or neutral)? 

  •  “I’m fine with you having your bro-time...At the end of the day, as long as you get to come home to me and not act like a complete tool when drunk, I am okay with it….All I ask is you respect me and remember your boundaries when you’re drunk. I’m your girl and you’re mine.”
  • It’s attractive to me if a Christian guy can hold his own at a party, without compromising his own personal convictions.  Although a guy who parties every night with his buddies probably isn’t the kind of guy I would date, because I would doubt that he and I are on the same level spiritually.”
  • “I like when men have their guy friends to hang out with. I have no problem with them drinking but I think that partying hard core all the time is unattractive…best to hold your liquor like a gentleman.
  • “Partying is a tough one.  I feel like it shows that he is not goal-oriented to a certain degree.  I’m all for going out and getting hammered every now and then or celebrating something that way, but if it’s every weekend, definitely a turn-off.”
  •  “I care because I don’t party and I really hate the whole bar scene.  When a guy gets himself hammered, it shows a lack of respect, responsibility, and discipline.  The women I know who enjoy partying prefer to date guys who share that interest.”
  • “I definitely prefer a guy who likes to the local bar on the weekends and can have a good time, but…if you’re planning a trip with your besties to Vegas to gamble, get wasted, and get laid, I’m going to think you’re kind of a man-whore and probably not relationship material.”
  • “SUCH A TURN OFF. By all means, have a couple of drinks with your man-friends…I enjoy a man that enjoys his whiskey and beer. But if you are doing drugs or ‘partying’ on a regular basis, you are no longer an option in my mind.
  • “Since I’m somewhat in my party stage, I don’t care if a guy is doing the same thing. But if he’s getting shwasted every night, then there’s probably a bigger issue going on.”

Question 3: What convinces you (or most women you know) to say “yes” to a date with a man?

  •  “If a guy is being completely sweet and I realize he’s not trying to get in my pants, I will agree to the day…As long as you make a girl feel special and loved, you can’t really screw up.”
  • Confidence (almost on the edge of cocky).  For an exclusive relationship? Chemistry and follow-through.”
  • “I think I would say ‘yes’ to any guy that I find attractive right off the bat…Saying ‘yes’ to an exclusive relationship holds a lot more weight. In this circumstance, I would have to not only have a physical and friendly connection with this guy, but a spiritual one as well.”
  • “I think confidence is key to a woman saying yes to a man.  And let’s not confuse confidence with cockiness. A woman wants a man who knows what he’s about but isn’t a douchebag about it.
  • “I don’t think ‘convince’ is the right word. I would recommend to guys that want to ask a girl out, JUST DO IT!…It’s a major turn-on when a guy is just straight up honest.  Even if he isn’t looking for more. Girls go absolutely GAGA when a random guy walks up and just tells her she’s beautiful. “
  •  “Physical attraction and social chemistry.  Ideally I should want to rip your pants off, but at the very least, I should want to find out what’s in there.  And you need to be moderately interesting/funny and mentally stable.”
  • “I like to be pursued. I need to be physically attracted to him, and he needs to not be creepy/desperate.  Clingy man are the worst. Be firm and assertive, not whiny.”
  • “If a man makes it clear that a certain woman will be his priority and that he is genuinely interested in her (not just physically!) that’s a quality way to get a yes. Flowers help, too…Also, yelling out “CALL ME” and then driving away does not work. Ever.”
  • “Whenever I say yes to a date, it’s because I want to know him. When I say yes to a relationship…well, I haven’t said yes in awhile, so I can’t help you there.”

Question 4: “How important is a man’s overall physique/physical appearance in determining if we even get a shot at a first date?”

  •  “Honestly, the first think I notice about a guy is his smile.  for me, as long as you appear to be in health shape and take care of yourself, you are dateable.”
  • “I’m a personality girl. You can be a stone-cold fox, but if you fall flat on delivery, you get shut down. That’s not to say that physique doesn’t matter, because obviously I want someone who takes care and pride in his general appearance, but I will date a solid 6 looks-wise, so long as his personality is an 11.”
  • Physical attractive is extremely important. However, I don’t expect guys to look like Zach Efron…I actually prefer a guy who isn’t a gym rat.”
  • “A woman has to be semi-attracted to a man before she will go out with him, but overall I do not think he has to look like Ryan Reynolds.  Of course, a man who looks like a slob or does not take care of himself probably won’t get a date.
  • “A man’s physique/physical appearance is kind of up there. First impressions are big and sexual attraction is also big. Just make sure you’re clean and have fresh breath and yummy deodorant/cologne. A first hug can also make a huge difference! Nothing better than a hug from a good-smelling man.”
  •  “It’s crucial.  I need to be attracted to you in order to go on a date with you. But remember, you don’t have to look like Brad Pitt for that to happen. You should at the very least be clean, hygienic, and well-groomed, and it should be evident that you take care of yourself.
  • “Pretty important. Athletic men are just more attractive. It’s important that you care about the way you look, and that you are strong enough to protect me.”
  • “Honestly, pretty important. You have to be attractive. But that doesn’t mean you have to be ripped, a little squish is actually pretty enticing because it adds to the comfy man-ness.  As long as you have a good face/smile, don’t act like a creeper, and I can tell that you care for yourself, you’re probably golden.”
  • “Looks are obviously a big factor in whether I agree to go out with a guy. If I said I didn’t care, I’d be lying. However, if I get a good vibe from you, you seem like someone I want to spend my time with, and most importantly, you can make me laugh…[then] what time can you pick me up?”


Well, there you have it! From the mouths of babes….

Men, what do you think? Were you surprised by any of these responses?

Ladies, do you agree with all the opinions here? Were you surprised by any of this?


Coming up next, there will be more discussion on dating, one-night stands, bodies (both male and female), nudity, and all sorts of other fun things.  Be sure to check back in (or click “Follow” on the right side!) for Part 2!


3 thoughts on “Dames Confess… Part 1

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