Dames Confess… Part 2

Well, as promised, here is Part 2 of the Dames Confess…” series! (For Part 1, see HERE.)  Read on to hear the ladies’ unvarnished opinions on dating and getting sweaty (both in the gym and in the sack).

woman couch

Question 1:  How often do you (or most women you know) keep a guy around – whether dating, friends, or somewhere in between – for the purpose of emotional intimacy and attention/affection, rather than for genuine friendship or romantic interest? Do you ever have an attitude of “I’ll occupy my time short-term with this fling until I find my dream guy…”?

  •  “If I meet a guy, he has 2 weeks to let me know if he has any feelings. If not, after those 2 weeks, unfortunately, the guy will end up in the friendzone….But remember guys…If you do all the things a boyfriend should do for their girlfriend and you don’t get any rewards, you are being friendzoned. Do not put yourself in these situations!
  • “This is a tough balance beam to walk.  On the one hand, you never will know where dream guy will come from. So that fling could lead to something (thanks rom-com fantasy land…). But on the other hand, I always believe that someone deserves me at my best and in the best emotional headspace that I can be.  So that may mean being a one-woman wolf-pack for awhile.”
  • I make a clear distinction between being just friends or feeling as if there might be a deeper connection I’m not about leading anyone on.”
  • “I, personally, am more of a girls’ girl in that I love my girlfriends. While I have many male friends, I only have one that I am very close to. I keep him around because I enjoy his company. He is not a place holder until I find ‘the one.’ I think girls who do have that mindset place a lot of value on male attention, not to mention it is just not a very kind thing to do to a man. No man wants to be second fiddle in a girl’s life.”
  • “I absolutely HATE when girls do this. Stop wasting your time and the guy’s time…Automatically saying ‘This will just be short term’ is such a dick move. Unless you are both on the same page (which I really don’t understand the point of dating then…), don’t do it!”
  • Anyone who does that is a douchesaurus. Male or female.  And no, I’ve never done that. I lean towards the opposite end, where I push people away out of fear of commitment and sometimes just not thinking it’s worth the time or hassle.”
  • “I’ve been guilty of dating with the wrong goals for sure. But that was before I figured out who I was on my own and before I got closer to God. If you want to avoid being used in that way, then really make sure the women you choose to date have an independently healthy life and don’t thrive on attention and dates.
  • “I’ve ‘used’ guys I wasn’t really romantically interested in because I was craving affection and emotional intimacy.  But I’ve learned nothing can top connecting with someone that you’re into. It’s better just to wait for it to happen.”

Question 2: “Is ‘dating’ dead for girls in our generation? Is it really just about flings or committed marriage, or can a guy really still ask a girl out for dinner just to get to know her without the pressure of either need to commit on the spot to a long-term relationship or to going home with you (i.e. one-night stand)?”

  •  “Some girls prefer to just date and some are looking for something more.  As long as you are upfront with a girl, I don’t see how it can be an issue. However,, with most of the guys in our society today, it feels as though dating is dead.”
  • “I am just clear about who/what I am up front….So date me. Take me to ice cream, to lasertag, to an arcade, or to do something. Take the pressure off and just have fun with me. Dating is a chemistry test. If we have it, relationship possibilities await. If we don’t, move on.
  • “Oh man! I wish the dumb pressure didn’t exist at all! Just going on a date for the sake of getting to know one another is refreshing and something I wish more people would be OK with.”
  • I actually wish men would be bold and ask girls on dates more! There seems to be this stigma that asking a woman on a date is some sort of relational commitment. It isn’t. I think it’s great to go on dates to get to know someone and see if you would like to pursue anything more.”
  • “This is tough. I honestly don’t see  the point in dating someone if you aren’t thinking you want to be with them long term. Of course, you don’t know this on the first date, that’s what those first few dates are for. Don’t feel pressure from it, but be upfront with what your intentions are.”
  •  “Some girls may want only the extremes, but most girls I know want to be able to go on casual dates more often. Of course, this requires that the guys start asking them on dates rather than just hooking up with them or jumping straight to an exclusive relationship.  And PLEASE, no more of this ‘Want to, like, hang out sometime?’ bullshit.
  • “I prefer the no-pressure dinner date situation actually. I think people either treat dating like a booty call, or they act like 1 dinner date will determine their entire future.”
  • “Dating is most definitely not dead!! Being in my 20’s now, I’m definitely looking for a future husband, but that doesn’t mean I want immediate commitment. I date to discover what qualities I want a man that I’m going to spend life with to have.  I have also been guilty of going on dates when I can’t afford to feed myself.  Sorry, guys.”
  • “Most of my girlfriends don’t like wasting their time on someone if there isn’t going to be any type of future, near or far. That doesn’t mean you jump right into a relationship, but if you’re giving her mixed signals, she’ll probably be onto the next real quick.”

Question 3: What are your feelings on chivalry? “Do women appreciate men that want to care for them, or has feminism destroyed chivalry at this point?”

  • “I would say most girls do appreciate men who care about them and who aren’t afraid to show it.  The whole point of chivalry is to show girls you care and are a gentleman, not to make them feel inferior.
  • “Chivalry has taken on a different form. By letting us be who we are…you are doing just as much good as guys who opened doors for us in the past. I would say do nice things, but don’t belittle my independence.”
  • “I would definitely call myself a feminist, but I wouldn’t consider myself proud or unwilling to accept kind gestures. Women enjoy being cared for, and chivalry is definitely appreciated.
  • “If chivalry is dead, I think women are part of the problem. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the right to vote and own property, but I think the feminist movement went a bit too far. Women stopped wanting men to do chivalrous acts (i.e. open doors, hold our books, etc.) because they could do it themselves. Damn right women can (anyone with working extremities can) but part of a man is a desire to take care of a woman. I think it is time women start letting men be men.  On the flip side, it drives me nuts when I see a woman with her hands full and a man just walks by. I once was holding a ton of groceries and a man asked if he could help, to which I replied, “Oh that’s alright, my grandma taught me how to hold a lot of groceries.” He responded by saying, “Well, my grandma taught me to always help a lady,” at which point he took all of my bags and helped me to my apartment. I think we need more men like this.”
  • I absolutely LOVE chivalry! I love when he opens the car door for me or surprises me with flowers randomly.  It’s the little things that keep you falling in love every day. (Sounds cheesy, I know.)”
  •  “Chivalry is a two-way street.  Men need to revive chivalry, and women need to let them do that.  Men need to men, and chivalry is a part of that, but women need to be ladies, too. If women are into hardcore feminist ideas about ‘equality,’ that’s fine, but they shouldn’t expect men to treat them any differently than another man.   You can vote and wear pants and that’s great, but calm down, it doesn’t make you Rambo.”
  • “I tend to fall somewhere in the middle…I aim to be an independent, secure woman who can take care of herself, but is not threatened by a little chivalry.”
  • “I get a lot of negative feedback from fellow students on it (feminism is on the rise), but I love gender stereotypes in dating. I want to be taken care of and romanced and pursued. But I also want the chance to treat you to nice things sometimes, too. By all means though, open my doors, buy me dinners, tell me I’m pretty, and surprise me with flowers!”
  • “I am all about some chivalry. If a man opens the door for me or brings me flowers unexpectedly, he’ll probably get luck in one way or another.”

Question 4: “How much do you as a girl think about sex, or sexual thoughts?”

  •  “We think about sex a lot, if not more than your average guy. We just have the decency not to say our sexual thoughts out loud like you men do.
  • “ALL THE DAMN TIME.”
  • “Because of our monthly hell periods, our hormones are all over the place. We are designed to be more horny some weeks, and not wanting anything to do with a dick other weeks. Sorry!”
  • “Yes. Definitely we do…Contrary to popular belief, girls have a pretty active sex drive.”
  • “How often we think about sex depends on what type of relationship you are in. I have some of the best sex of my life with my boyfriend…Yet rarely does it cross my mind on a day-to-day basis. My sex drive is so low, especially while I’m in school. I’m focused on so many other things.  Guys, don’t feel like your girlfriend isn’t into you just because sex isn’t #1 on her priority list.  Talk to her and see what’s going on…The fact that you’re taking the time to see what’s up will mean a lot to her and probably earn you brownie points if you know what I mean…”
  •  “Mama got needs.”
  • “Once a day. For 24 hour periods. We ARE humans, just like yall.”

Question 5: “Do women work out because they want to or because they think guys want them to be lean and fit like all the dumb Instagram/Pinterest memes of CrossFit women with the cheesy quotes about ‘pain is weakness leaving the body’?”

  •  “We don’t [want to work out], trust me, but we do it because we want to be healthy, or the other reason…just like any guy does – to impress a certain someone.”
  • “Maybe it’s me, but I just give zero f***s about what guys think in terms of why I workout. Unless you want to compare power cleans or back squats, get out of my space…As I said before, it doesn’t matter how or why she’s there [working out].  The point is that she’s busting her tail doing whatever…She should just love to kick ass doing it.”
  • “Initially, I think the desire to work out streams from the ‘ideal physique’ that media shoves down our throats. It’s also a women-to-women competition.
  • “I personally do not work out. I really enjoy walking or swimming because I would like my body to be in decent working order.”
  • “I think Crossfit is way too intense. To me, those women are too bulky. Some guys are into it (probably Crossfit guys) so to each their own. My goal of working out was mentioned above…to be a fit badass.  It just sounds awesome. I’m all about keeping the curves though, I think they’re sexy!”
  • “I want to be strong, I want to be healthy, and I like MOVING! Also, I grew up around a lot of guys, so part of it is this feeling of always wanting to be able to ‘keep up with the big boys.’  Those memes are crap though. I’m female, I’m fit, and I don’t have veins on my abs like that.  Sorry, not sorry. But in spite of knowing that they photoshop the hell out of those images, there’st still a significant feeling that MOST guys want nothing less than the photoshopped ideal.”
  • “I don’t work out if I can help it…But I always feel guilty when I don’t because of social pressure, but also because I know I’m not as healthy as I should be.”
  • “it’s a sense of empowerment and accomplishment to strive towards a fitness model body, even though a lot of us don’t want to look exactly like those pictures. And hopefully men will appreciate the dedication and self-respect that goes into a workout routine.
  • “I don’t work out because I don’t want to.”

Question 6: “Why do girls only do f***ing cardio??!!”

  •  “Believe me, no girl wants to run on the treadmill for 2 hours! If so, they’re lying. The reason most of us do cardio is because you damn men are so intimidating on the workout floor with your moaning and groaning…Honestly, most of us don’t know how to correctly use the workout machines…”
  • “Who cares? She’s exercising, which is something to be celebrated, not shamed.”
  • ‘Yeah, no, don’t put me down for cardio.’ – Fat Amy, Bridesmaids (Aka I have no idea.)”
  • “Women have been told that cardio is how you become skinnier and sadly that is the goal of many women.”
  • Girls who only do cardio are stupid, especially if it’s on the elliptical. Talk about a waste of time! When I see skinny girls on the ellipticals, I think to myself, ‘Okay, so she is naturally skinny and wants to feel ‘cool’ for goign to teh gym and maybe get a picture for Instagram or something.’ Sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. They generally come in with perfect hair and a Starbucks in hand.”
  •  “You mean ‘conditioning?’ I do conditioning/interval training in order to keep my heart in shape (cardiovascular disease runs in my family).  But what I really love is lifting, circuits, and nontraditional workouts like dance.”
  • “I feel like cardio is a dying trend, but the girls who are still stuck on the elliptical are there because they don’t know what lifting can do for them.
  • “The only cardio I do is walking from bar to bar.”

Question 7: What is your motivation behind wanting to look a certain way or attain a certain physical shape? “Is it because you want to weight 95 lbs or have an hourglass figure (or what have you)…or to be able to run that marathon…or do you just want to be healthy. Or get laid…?”

  •  “My main reason for working out is to feel good about myself.  Sometimes…I use rejection as fuel when working out and think ‘damn, imagine the look on his face when he sees my banging body!’ Why would you need a preworkout when you have anger?”
  • “I used to (and still do) have days where all I’m fixated on is ‘skinny.’ But now I really love smashing PRs. I love lifting and bruises and war wounds from tough WODs. I love being strong and setting new goals. I WILL GET THAT PULL-UP EVENTUALLY.”
  • The pressure of comparing myself to women around me and women in media are the drive behind my desires to want to look skinnier. The world’s pressure isn’t about health; it’s about looking like a model.”
  • “I think that women want to be loved and we are told to be loved by men we have to be skinny and flawless.  As I have gotten older (the ripe old age of 22), beauty means less to me than it once was…Better for me to work on my character than obsess about beauty that will fade.
  • “I work out to look sexy as f*** naked. Just kidding. Kind of. Really, I would say it’s to be healthy…does it help that my boyfriend goes crazy for it too? Absolutely…I saw a quote once that said ‘Forget skinny, I’m training to be a fit badass,’ and decided that was going to be my workout mantra.”
  • “So I can be a more productive member of society.  If I like the way I look, I’m more confident in everything I do.  And when I’m confident in what I have to offer, I’m more likely to give my best efforts in everything I do.  And it won’t hurt if my man is speechless every time he sees me naked.”
  •  “I don’t really try to look a certain way…my body has a mind of its own and I just try to work with it as best I can. One of my biggest frustrations is when people assume I am skinny/petite because I am really shallow or have an eating disorder…It’s just the way I’m built.”
  • “I work out to be healthy and to be able to adventure for longer periods of time. I’m also desperately trying to avoid the flappy arms (‘chicken wings?’) that a lot of older women get. And secretly I really want to be a hot mom and super cute pregnant woman someday.
  • I think the hourglass/curvy/’womanly’ figure is most attractive on women. What guy doesn’t want some junk in the trunk?”

 

So, what did yall think? Were you surprised, or nodding along in agreement (or raising your hands and hollering “Preach it, sistafraaan!”)?

 

Stay tuned for Part 3 later this week!

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4 thoughts on “Dames Confess… Part 2

  1. I love these posts you do! I definitely agree with a lot of these points. I have to admit that I once started what I thought was only going to be a superficial fling and it turned out to be the most meaningful relationship of my life – just goes to show you should never try to label relationships a certain way.

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